problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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