sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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