he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
