I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
