she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
