The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
