Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
