the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
