Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
