I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
