And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
