Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
