Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
