woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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