marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
