Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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