Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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