allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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