I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
