Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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