...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
