Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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