So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
