you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
