My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
