Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
