so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
