It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
