two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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