i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
