You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
nutella sex= disaster
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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