I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
