Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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