i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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