Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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