Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
