I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
