Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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