Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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