Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
