guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
