Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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