hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
