i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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