Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
