I want to make a zoo with you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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