I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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