Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
