I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
