Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
